My dear Uncle Keni

This morning, August 4, 2010, my dear, loving, kind Uncle Keni went to be with our Lord.

My Uncle Keni lived a painful life, the last twenty or so years. He had been injured in a mining accident about twenty years ago, when the roof collapsed, and it took many hours for them to get him out. He suffered permanent damage to his legs, and from that day forward had to walk with arm crutches. Then, he sufferend a heart attack, and had to have a combination pacemaker/defibrilator put in. Then, as if that weren’t enough to have to suffer in one lifetime, he began losing his eye sight in one eye about this time last year. What the doctors thought was something called Toulosa Hunt Syndrome, eventually became diagnosed recently as cancer on the cranial nerves in his head. The doctors surmissed that the cancer had come from a skin cancer he had removed a couple of years ago from his nose. To this day, this confounds me that this is the cause. But, no matter what the cause, my Uncle was taken from this world this morning.
Through all his pain and sorrow, he never lost his faith. He was saved in 1973, and was faithful in his belief up until his passing.

When my mother and father had passed, after my fathers funeral, I was sitting in his living room, by myself. He came in, and sat down with me. He asked me if I was okay. I said no. He then asked what was wrong. I said I was angry…angry at God for taking my parents from me. He just turned his head, and looked out the window. He was trying to find the words to say, to make it easier on me. And, turning back to look at me, he smiled that sweet smile of his, and said that I should not be angry at God. That he did not take them to hurt me. He said that I had to have faith in the Lord’s decision to take them. We talked for a little while longer, and he didnt realize it at that time, but his words had given me a strength to start forgiving. And, to this day, those words are carried in my heart.

My Uncle Kenny, or Keni as I have always called him, was my favorite Uncle. When his eldest son, Kent, got old enough to walk, I used to spend one week a summer with them. And, then, when Kelli, his daughter came along, the summers were that much more fun. My Uncle Keni always gave me love, and kindness, and I will always remember him for that. And, in a time in my life, when I was at a crossroads, and needed someone who was loving and understanding, both he and my Aunt Mary offered me a choice. The choice to do the right thing, and be the right kind of person. They offered me a place to live, behind them, so that I would never have to feel alone in this world.

I had many a good conversations with my Uncle Keni through the years, but none will be more remembered or cherished as those in the last two years, since coming to live here. He would affectionately call me *bubble butt*, for obvious reasons LOL!! and I would call him *boobalah*. Not sure where it came from, or why I started calling him that, but it fit. So, call him that I did. I remember many a time he made me laugh, and many a time he offered sage wisdom and counseling. I knew that with his words, would come love and understanding, and he only wanted the best for me. And, I for him. It is hard to let him go. I have lost so many people I love, in the past few years, both to death, and misunderstandings, but losing my Uncle Keni felt much more like losing a brother, than an Uncle. He was only 17 years older than me, so I guess that is why it feels that way.

My mom said I used to always tag along behind him, when he would come visit us in Columbus when I was really little. I do not remember that time, sadly, because I was so small, but mom always thought that in that time we had formed a special bond. I am happy to say that she was right. Through the years, as I got older, I drifted away from Uncle Keni, and his family, as often happens. But, I never forgot them, and thought fondly of them all the time. I often regret that distance, especially now, but am so grateful to have had the last two years with him. I would not have traded them for anything.

It is with a heavy heart that I must say goodbye to the worlds best Uncle. I will miss him everyday, and hopes that he knows how much I loved, admired, and cherished him in my life. Rest peacefully Uncle Keni.

March 14, 2010 @ 11:48pm

This past Sunday started like any other Sunday. Other than the fact that it was one of the first Sunday’s I had had off work in quite a while, nothing else unusual transpired. I lounged around all day with the girls, and even managed to get in a very much needed nap in the afternoon. It rained most of the day, off and on, so I didn’t get any outside time. Which was really okay, because it was a little nippy, temperature wise.

After a day of just spending time with my babies, I finally turned in a little before 11pm. I no sooner got comfortable, and was starting the nightly routine of getting Rooh settled, when my Aunt Mary beeped me. She told me that my cousin Kelli’s water had broke, and that Shaun and the boys were taking her to KDMC. My Aunt said that she wanted to go with them, and in the end, she did. I told her that it was all exciting, and my Aunt said that she figured the baby would be born that night. I then called my Aunt Monica to let her know. My Aunt Monica and I discussed again how exciting it was, and we both were of the opinion that Kelli would have the baby earlier the next morning. So, I turned back in, and got Rooh settled down, and drifted off to sleep.

At 12:00 am, my Uncle Keni beeped me and asked if I was rested enough. He said they had had to stop in Lousia, that Kelli couldn’t make it to Ashland after all. He wanted to go see her, and I told him I would take him. I got the girls settled, changed my clothes, and went into the main house. My Uncle was on the phone with my Aunt who said that Kelli had already had the baby!!! I was floored!!! Little did we know the complete story until we got to Louisa, and boy is it a doozy!!!

Seems my cousin Kelli had been having contractions off and on all day, since church earlier that morning. She had laid down a bit, and they seemed to ease up. She called her doctor, but for reasons I am not sure of, decided to wait to go to the hospital till later in the night. This is Kelli’s third baby, and I am more than secure in the knowledge that she knew when to go. She knew how she was feeling better than anyone. And, the baby wasn’t due until early April. But, then again, both her other boys were two weeks early as well. I guess, when her water broke, she knew it was time to head out. Shaun and the boys got her in the van, and they came up and got my Aunt, and they took flight!! If you knew Shaun, you would know what I mean!! LOL!!

The next segment of the story was relayed to me by my cousin, Shaun, and my Aunt Mary. Seems that Kelli realized that she couldn’t make it to Ashland. So, while traveling down Rt23, Shaun called 911. He explained the situation, and the dispatcher told him to pull over. He said he wanted to keep driving, because he knew that Kelli’s doctor would be at KDMC, and that was really where she wanted to have the baby. But, the dispatcher told him to pull over at the castle station, at the 23 bypass of Louisa, and they would send an ambulance. So, that is what they did. After a little while, Shaun called back, and asked what was taking so long. The ambulance was held up by a train!!! A train of all things!!! But, they did eventually get there. Kelli must have thought…OMGoodness!! I am going to have this baby in the van!!!

Once the ambulance got there, they loaded her up, and off she went. Now, the Louisa bypass is only about 2-4 minutes from the hospital, in ambulance time. And, to show how close the baby was to coming, the attendant stated that if she needed, they could pull of the road and have the baby there. Kelli evidentally said no, and they kept going. She said the entire time, she felt the strongest need to push, but she didn’t.

They get her to the ER, then take her up to the second floor in the elevator, and into the delivery room. They are going to move her to the delivery table, but she said “No, the baby is coming, and it is coming now”. She then proceeded to have the little tyke on the cot from the ambulance…no time for drugs, no time for argument, no time for Shaun to get up there to help, cause he was still signing forms!!!

After a few scary moments *he was slightly purple and didn’t want to breathe at first*, my newest little cousin made his way into this world. He was born within 48 minutes of Kelli leaving for the hospital. He weighed in at 5lbs 8oz, and measured 19 1/2″ long. He has ten little fingers, ten little toes, and the cutest little nose in the world.

Now, this was the first time I had seen a baby so tiny, and by the time I got to the hospital, about 2 hours old. I had no brothers or sisters growing up, and I have no children of my own. So, the experience I had, in those first few wee hours of the morning, on March 15, 2010 will stay with me for the rest of my life. I was so awe struck, to say the least. I looked down upon this precious little creation, and could do nothing but stare. No words can describe the feeling that went through me at that moment. And, I will always be grateful of Kelli for allowing me to partake in the little miracle that was her newborn son.

So, it is with great pride, that I introduce my newest little cousin….Landon Davis Hager. If ever I doubted there was a God, a higher being, I can no longer doubt…after looking at little Landon.

This is the miracle that is baby Landon. He was being a little camera shy in this one 🙂

This is a better pic of his face. He was being held by his pawpaw Kenny here.

This is a pic of baby Landons brothers, Wes and Caleb, at about 2am. The poor little fellas were exhausted, and running on adrenaline.

This is baby Landon with Mawmaw Mary, and brothers Wes and Caleb the next day after he was born.

This is baby Landon with Mawmaw Mary.

Baby Landon with PawPaw Kenny.

And, finally, baby Landon with proud as punch daddy Shaun.

I didn’t get any pics that day with Kelli and Landon, because everyone else was holding him when I was there. I don’t have any pics of me with him, cause I didn’t hold him. He was so little and fragile looking, that I was afraid I would hurt him, so I passed.

So, there you have it. A day that I will always remember, and upon reflection realize that if I had not moved here, and decided to stay here, would have missed out on and never known the feelings that I feel today.

My Aunt and Uncle always said that the good Lord works in mysterious ways, that he always has a plan, and that he knows best. I am inclined to be a believer of that now, after meeting Landon.

…..home

What is the meaning of *home*?

*Home* means different things to different people. To some, it is simply where you live, your place of residence. To others, any physical structure in which one resides is home, whether it be a house or an apartment. And, still to others, a home is a place where you dwell with your family as a household. Finally, home to some is a place of security and happiness.

I am sure there are more than just these interpretations of the meaning of *home*. It is as individual a definition as you can get…to each their own so to say. But, to me, *home* is something that I once had, and thought I had lost, to never be found again.

When I was forced to move from the residence that I shared with my parents, upon the death of my father, I felt like I was without a *home*. I was adrift in a sea of loss and sadness, and at the tender age of 43, having to finally grow up. I was an only child, so I had no siblings for support or confidence. Even as I was at the viewing of my father, the one thing that ran through my mind the whole time was *where am I going to live? how will I support myself and my furry-babies?* To some, this may seem wrong, but when a loved one is lost, especially a parent, I feel that most have these type of thoughts, if not the very ones that I had.

My dear cousin, Christina, seeing my anguish at my fathers viewing, told me not to worry. I would come to work for her, and she would make sure that I had family no matter what. She told me that I was too important to her, to see me that way, so she would keep me close to her. So, after my fathers funeral, I went to work for Chris. She is a wonderful, acclaimed author out of New York, and she was a blessing, whether she knows it or not. Had it not been for her support those first few months, I would have surely been lost forever. She was my angel 🙂 But, as hard as I tried over those months to make living near her feel like *home*, I couldn’t. What started out as a grand idea, ended in pain, depression, lost love, and finding myself once again where I started…not knowing what would become of me.

I had quit my job with my cousin, so that she could get on with her life, and her new relationship. She wanted to move, quite a distance away, and I felt that, at that time, I was not ready. And, I felt that I was always getting in the way, so I took the initiative to leave. She saw this as me abandoning her, and for that I will always be sorry. But, it was what was needed on both sides, and I hope, in time she can come to see this. She once told me that in that time, in that place, I made her miserable. That she didn’t really want me around her because of that. At first this hurt, but then I realized it made sense. I was lost, adrift, without a feeling of home, and was miserable myself, so why wouldn’t those around me be miserable as well?

It was at this time that my mom’s family offered me a place to live, until I could figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. My Uncle Keni, and his wife Mary, had a little house out behind their home, that had once been used by their youngest daughter when she had first married. It had set empty, but well taken care of, for many a years, and my Aunt Mary offered it to me. Now, being honest, I never thought it would be anything permanent. I thought that it would work for the time being, until I decided what would come next. Little did I know, that in taking their offer, I would find a place that me and my little furry babies could maybe, one day, call *home*. It is the sweetest, most perfect little house. It has four rooms, and is just the right size for the three of us.

When we first moved here, we were all three slightly traumatized. We had been shuffling around, since losing my father, and because of certain events that transpired during our stay with my cousin Chris, had a little bit of a security issue. I can honestly say that it took all three of us pert near a year to get straightened out enough to actually take a breath, and relax. I am not claiming it has been all hearts and flowers…not by a long shot. Since moving here in Sept 2008 *on the same day that my personal business that had been built up and ran by me, my father, and my mother since 1992 burned down* I have had six different employers. SIX!!! In only two years!!!! Even I, knowing my circumstances, find that a bit much!! LOL!! But, I am thankful for each and every one of those jobs. One thing I did promise myself, upon moving here, was that I would not allow myself to make anyone else miserable, or be a burden of any kind upon my family. If I learned anything from my time with Chris, is that having it to do all over again, I would have left much earlier to prevent her this misery.

So, here we are…me, Rooh, and Booh. We answer only to each other, and we live in a tiny little house, just down the hill from where my mother and father are buried. My Uncle Keni and Aunt Mary live in the house in front of me, my cousin Kelli and her family live down the holler from me, and my Aunt Monica and Uncle Lucian live up the holler. The holler in which I am now residing is the same holler my dear mother grew up in, and had hoped one day to return to upon retirement. Little did she know, she would return to it much sooner than expected, and to be buried there not to reside there. But, it gives me a kind of peace to know that she and daddy are just a short walk away.

My babies and I still really do not refer to the little house as *home* much yet, but I feel we are getting there. I guess, for us, *home* is a place of security, happiness, and comfort. And if that is the case, then I am *home*. I could not feel more secure, or comforted. The happiness you ask? Well, I am not sure that happiness, like I once had, will ever be part of my life again. But, in this time, in this place, I will take what I can get…and anywhere I am, with my little furry-babies, to me, will be *home*.

So, what is your definition of *home*?

A debt of gratitude…albeit a little late…

Back, what seems like a lifetime ago, before we even would think that my mother was going to die of cancer, I found the music of a group called Matchbox 20. The front man for this group, Rob Thomas, was so amazing to me. Then, when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, I withdrew a little into myself. I would find myself listening more and more to Matchbox 20’s and Rob’s music, and somehow, I felt that he knew what I was going through. I hadn’t really read up much on the man, but felt that in him I had found someone who could relate to what I dealing with, with the illness and eventual death of my mother.

About a year after my mother passed, I was surfing the internet, and found an article on Rob Thomas. In that article, I realized that he was more of a kindred spirit than even I knew. He, too, had lost his mother. But, instead of turning inward, like I did, he expressed his loss through music…namely a song titled 3am. I can remember listening to that very song, over and over again, and getting such comfort from the lyrics. Now, I know why.

Since then, Rob has gone out on his own with a couple of albums, and as far as I know, still continues to record with Matchbox 20. Either way, the man’s music is unlike any other out there. And, for the rest of my life, I will always credit a little bit of my getting through one of the two worst times in my life, to his music. I hope he really realizes how many peoples lives he touches, and how we owe him so much for what he does.

If you would like to check out his 3am song, and video, you can watch it here *you will have to go to youtube to watch it, I was not able to embed this one in the post*:

Please keep in mind, when listening, that the SHE in this video is his beloved mother, whom he, at thirteen, took care of when she was deathly ill. If I remember correctly, she eventually passed away. Once I knew this, it made this song even more poignant than before.

While your at it, check out his SOMEDAY video…very inspirational and uplifting:

Words can not express my gratitude to Rob Thomas for his music.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while…

but I have been, what I thought, suffering from the winter blues. But, after a recent visit to the doctor, and subsequent tests being run, I found out that it is a little more serious than that. So, I have been a little upset, and a little down from this news. And because of all of this, I haven’t felt like posting.

But, I hope to get that all back on track, as best I can, in the upcoming week. I have several days worth of work on my new website, HATTIES ATTIC that really needs to get done, so will be working on that this coming week.

Also, I am hoping that the temperatures, and my mind set, afford me a day to get out into the shoppe, and get the holiday items packed away, and the shoppe rearranged a bit. It needs a new look, so that when the weather officially breaks, and we are open regular hours again, it will look bright and fresh.

And, I need to catch up on my twitter and facebook. Both of these are so far behind, the light at the end of the tunnel is four counties over!! LOL!!! But, I will try to get a little caught up on these as well.

Finally, I am going to start looking for new and exciting shoppes to place my items in. I had decided before the end of the year last year that I would work really hard, and give this a try this year. I am going to work under the premise that if I keep my items limited to shoppes not close to me, then I will get a wider range of customers. Also, I have decided that in my immediate area, only my shoppe and the shoppe I am currently in THE BASKET CASE, in Inez as well, will be the only local shoppes I am going to be in. Otherwise, I am gonna try to see if offering my items in different areas will work to my advantage. Time will tell 🙂

Hello, my name is Tracy and I am a….GLEEK!!!

Okay, I admit it. They say the first step to understanding an *addiction* is admitting to it. And, I admit it, I am a GLEE Geek…or as we call ourselves a GLEEK. But, it is not my fault. It is this man’s fault…

This is acclaimed broadway actor known as Matthew Morrison. He plays Will Schuster, or Mr Shu as the kids on GLEE call him. He is a very talented actor, a pretty good dancer, but do not even get me started on his singing. He is just unbelievable. And, he ain’t too hard on the eyes either.

If you haven’t had a chance to check out GLEE yet, you are missing out. It has this wonderful man, a very talented cast, and you can’t help but sing along with them. All new episodes are slated to begin in April *way too long a time for me to wait!!!*, or if you look around a little, you can find the first 13 episodes online to watch.

So, now you know my deep dark secret. But, being a GLEEK is great…I get to look at Mr Morrison every week!!! LOL!!!

Slowly but surely….

I am trying to catch up on my Project 365 pics. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep to a one pic a day schedule, but then again, I didn’t expect to get quite this far behind…UGH!!!

So, here are three pics, to try to catch me up. If memory serves me right *ain’t makin’ no promises though LOL!!!* I will still be a couple of days behind…at least. And, since I have to work tomorrow unexpectedly *co-worker is in the hospital sick*, it may be a few days before I get anymore posted. Please bear with me 🙂

This first picture is of something that has amazed me since I can remember. This is how the hills here, along the road look, when it gets cold in the winter. Water moves through the rock, out of the hills, and when it is cold, produces the most amazingly beautiful ice falls.

This next picture is of what my poor car looks like right now. I have to drive almost 30 miles to and from work, on a VERY heavily salted four lane road. Now, I am grateful that the road department salts around here the way that they do, because if they didn’t I would have missed WAY more than just one day of work so far this winter. But, as you can see, my car takes the brunt of it all…poor baby 😦

And, todays final pic is of my car dashboard. Believe you me, it may not look too orderly or organised to YOU, but this is great compared to what it usually is LOL!!!!!

Okay, so now I am a little bit closer to catching up. I will try to post some more pics as I can. Maybe I can find something to take a pic of at work tomorrow…one never knows 🙂

Well, well, well….

It would seem that although I am supposed to post EVERY day on my project 365 pics, every other day is the best I can do. That is okay, I will take that 🙂

So, here are my TWO pics, like before…sheesh….LOL!!!

The first one is of my and my oldest furry babie Rooh. She is a sick little girl right now, and is doing her best to be a little trooper. There are days that I believe she is not long for this Earth, but then somehow she fights through for another day. I love her so much, and know when she is gone, the world will be alot less bright for me.

And this is Rooh’s little sissy, Booh. She is my little sleepy head. Unlike Rooh, who has to know EVERYTHING going on in the house, Booh could really care less LOL!!! But, when I need her, she is there. She can be a great comfort, when really needed. Both of the babies were my mom’s babies, when she was alive. When she passed, Rooh kinda clung to me, but it took Booh about 6 months of grieving for my mom, before she began to be my baby.

I love them more than words can say, and enjoy their company more than most people I know 🙂

Wally world…

I would like to say that I couldn’t post yesterday, for whatever reason. But, the actual truth is…I forgot. OOPS!!!

So again, today is a double pic day.

And, today the *theme* is the *day job*.

This is where I work…Walmart #1233 in Paintsville KY. I work a couple of days a week, and although I do not make money hand over fist, I am thankful, in todays economy, to have what I have. There are some months much rougher than others, but the girls and me are happy.

Now, I want to emphasize, I do not work FOR Walmart, I work IN Walmart. I work FOR Advantage Sales and Marketing, based in Irvine CA, and my manager is based out of Roanoke VA. Kind of a spread out business, in my opinion. ASM contracts us to work IN Walmart…namely their Supercenters.

Now, what do I do you ask? I am glad you did 🙂 I am an *Event Specialist*…basically I am a *demo* girl. I am that person you see, that gives you free food samples, laundry detergent samples, or just asks you to let them tell you about their product.

Like in this pic…

This is me, at work, this last Saturday, when the store was sooooo slow, it was unbelieveable. The weather kept the shoppers away, and as a sideaffect, I had no one to tell about my clients product, in this case the Alli weight loss program, and Centrum Multivitamins. And, as you can also see, there are NO customers anywhere in the aisles behind me. Let me tell you, it made for a VERY long day.

Two days in one…

I know I didn’t post my pic yesterday, but when I got home from work, the electric had been off, which meant dealing with getting the modem to work again, and then the wireless to recognize the modem. By the time I got it all up and running again, it was time for Dollhouse, and sadly, that took precedent *wink*.

So, I am going to post two pics today, to catch me back up. So, here we go…

Pictured above, are the two most dear and precious beings in my life. They are my furry babies, whom I could not love anymore than if I had given birth to them myself. They are, quite honestly, the only reason I am still on this earth. Once I had lost my parents, these little angels pushed me each day to get out of bed, and at least try. They were there when I needed them most. They are my last thought before I go to bed at night, and my first thought when I awake in the morning.